Don’t believe the lies 

So, like I said in my first post, I don’t think I have ever been happy with the way I looked. As long as I can remember, I have always been insecure about my appearance.

Receiving negative comments and being bullied from those who I thought were ‘friends’, in secondary school, made me hate myself. I felt like the ugly duckling. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
I felt like God made a mistake.. after all, my dad once told me I was. Man… that really hurt me. Hearing those words from ‘my dad’ made me wonder why I was even alive! I don’t think I was even in my teens when he said this.

So, growing up it was a bit tough… I had a lot of hate and anger.

Do you know what I’ve realised? Being a girl/woman, it seems impossible to go through life without having something said about us; whether it’s the truth or not. The words that are said can sting and deeply hurt, especially coming from a ‘friend’, co-worker or family member.
It was common to hear my name brought up during P.E and in the playground. I heard girls calling me names all the time! And shortly afterwards, I started to believe them.

What they don’t realise is, the words they say can define us, IF we let them.

Due to being insecure and feeling neglected, I looked for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, then ended up in an abusive relationship at the age of 14/15!
I just wanted to fill that void. That empty feeling…
My mind was messed up. My heart was broken and I felt alone and worthless.

I started to self harm… It got that bad guys. I also had suicidal thoughts!
I kinda wanted to get out of my body!! No one else cared about me so why should I? This is what I thought.

Anyway, I will tell you more another time…
I’m getting a bit emosh.

You know what? One day I said to myself that I need to STOP allowing people to treat me this way.
Listen, I got that strength and courage from God!
I am a child of God and I am worth much more. So what if people don’t care?! I know Jesus loves me just the way I am!

Don’t let people words define you!!!!!!
Don’t believe those lies!!!!!!

#BeEncourage

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Seeing myself in a different light 

Being comfortable with my body isnt easy, especially as a woman and for someone who has struggled with their weight for a long time….

There are (and will always be) things that I see about myself that I’d like to change. There will always be someone who seems prettier, thinner, smarter than I am But, you know what Ive realised? I wont ever really be happy until I learn to love the skin that I’m in.

I bet you’re wondering why I’ve started blogging…

As long as I can remember, I have never been happy with the way I look. I was bullied at school due to my unique appearance. I had no confidence whatsoever and was extremely insecure. Being surrounded by gorgeous friends made me feel even worse and more ugly, lol. My friends, family and husband would often tell me how pretty I am but I just didn’t believe a word they said. I would always dismiss their complements. No matter what they said, I still felt rubbish about myself…

Last night I was set freeeeeeee!!! (After 28 years, looool) Yes, it took a long time for me to reach this point! I feel so good. One of my friends Jessica, @thefatfunnyone done a live Insta chat. This woman is absolutely amazing! Go check her out guys! So inspiring! Now, I’ve read her blogs, listened to her on the live chats, read her posts on Insta… Even though what she spoke about was soo true, I just couldn’t accept those positive words for myself… But something happened guys! I told Jess that I wish I had her confidence. She replied, ‘why can’t you?’ She went on speaking about loving who you are etc.. A light bulb switched on and my ears were finally open! Breakthrough guys! I accepted what she was saying for MYSELF!

I hope this is all making sense, lol… Anyway, I went to bed buzzing and woke up feeling empowered! I came to the realisation that I am actually beautiful I shouldn’t allow society and people to change my way of thinking about who I am. I have decided it’s time for change, I am going to start afresh, reintroduce me to myself and learn to love the skin I am in.

 

Thanks for reading my first blog! I hope you continue to follow my journey..

#BeEncourage