So, like I said in my first post, I don’t think I have ever been happy with the way I looked. As long as I can remember, I have always been insecure about my appearance.
Receiving negative comments and being bullied from those who I thought were ‘friends’, in secondary school, made me hate myself. I felt like the ugly duckling. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
I felt like God made a mistake.. after all, my dad once told me I was. Man… that really hurt me. Hearing those words from ‘my dad’ made me wonder why I was even alive! I don’t think I was even in my teens when he said this.
So, growing up it was a bit tough… I had a lot of hate and anger.
Do you know what I’ve realised? Being a girl/woman, it seems impossible to go through life without having something said about us; whether it’s the truth or not. The words that are said can sting and deeply hurt, especially coming from a ‘friend’, co-worker or family member.
It was common to hear my name brought up during P.E and in the playground. I heard girls calling me names all the time! And shortly afterwards, I started to believe them.
What they don’t realise is, the words they say can define us, IF we let them.
Due to being insecure and feeling neglected, I looked for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, then ended up in an abusive relationship at the age of 14/15!
I just wanted to fill that void. That empty feeling…
My mind was messed up. My heart was broken and I felt alone and worthless.
I started to self harm… It got that bad guys. I also had suicidal thoughts!
I kinda wanted to get out of my body!! No one else cared about me so why should I? This is what I thought.
Anyway, I will tell you more another time…
I’m getting a bit emosh.
You know what? One day I said to myself that I need to STOP allowing people to treat me this way.
Listen, I got that strength and courage from God!
I am a child of God and I am worth much more. So what if people don’t care?! I know Jesus loves me just the way I am!
Don’t let people words define you!!!!!!
Don’t believe those lies!!!!!!